Men and women talking together.

Tannen, D. (1995). The Power of Talk: Who Gets Heard and Why. Harvard Business
Review, 5(73), 138-148.

Oh, so that is why that keeps happening to me! Oh, that is what happens in that group. Tadaaaa!

This is a critically important article, a must-read for anyone who is in a relationship, work environment, or group where men and women talk to each other! Yes, everyone should read it.

Tannen points out that communication involves BOTH saying what we mean, and HOW we say what we mean. Our cultural experience affects how we talk and how we listen. We make mistakes when we interpret and evaluate others as if they feel the same way we’d feel if we spoke the way they did. She shares her findings about the influence of linguistic style on conversations, and human interactions in the workplace. She shows how speaking practises learned in childhood affect judgements about competence, confidence, who gets heard, who gets credit, and what gets done. She discusses cultural factors involved in linguistic style both in terms of the communication of ideas, and the navigation of relationships. These change depending on the rank of the speaker and listener, and then on gender. Females focus on rapport, and men on status.

This means that women often end up unconsciously inviting the subordinate role through conversational rituals like apologies, feedback, compliments, and ritual opposition. Managers need to devise ways to ensure that everyone is heard and credited, and need to understand that different communication styles must be recognized so that the talents of all can be utilized. Managers need to become even better at reading interactions and more flexible in adjusting their own styles to those of the people with whom they interact.

I wonder how easy it would be for me as a woman to simply stop making disclaimers before I say something that makes what I say much easier to dismiss.

http://www.pa-awis.org/useful/tannen.pdf